"Sometimes the littlest things take up the biggest space in your heart."
-Winnie the Pooh
Let's just say October was the most life changing month...ever. I never really thought this would happen. I mean, if I'm being honest, maybe one day, but certainly not when it did. In October we found out we were expecting! I will never forget the feeling of seeing those lines on that stick (if that's too much, my bad). But it's true, in that moment, I knew my life had changed. I sat the stick on the sink and got in the shower thinking "well maybe it's not real, maybe it'll change back to one line." Rialand came downstairs shortly after and of course I greeted him the second he came around the corner with a face full of tears. When I told Ri I thought the lines would change, he died laughing (as I was crying from sheer shock) telling me it doesn't work like that. I laughed with him the other day aout all the pinterest women who plan how they tell their significant others they're expecting. I have NO clue how anyone could not spit it out immediately.
It's certainly been a wild ride so far. My first trimester was scary and lonely. Not very many people knew for several weeks. I was too scared to tell anyone, which mainly stemmed from fear of loss. There are so many people close to me that have experienced loss and I can tell you my heart was anxious every single day, all day long. I spent hours on google, trying to research every tiny little twitch or feeling I had. I had downloaded several baby apps. I was over-stressing myself out of fear. When I got to the second trimester, it was like a HUGE weight was lifted off my shoulders. What no one tells you about the first trimester is that it's extremely lonely. Understandably, people wait until that magical 12 week mark to share their news. But leading up to that can be extremely difficult. Not only is it a secret but you really have no clue what's going on with your body. You're exhausted, you can't sleep, you're anxious, you're uncertain, you're scared. And if you're anything like me, you're constantly nauseous. Not to mention my first visit to the doctor was at 9 weeks and they don't give you much info, they just check to make sure you're really pregnant and then schedule your first ultrasound. I literally spent every day and every night nauseous. Luckily I never threw up, (thank you Jesus), but I was sick to my stomach constantly. I had ZERO appetite for around 13 weeks, which made things really hard because I knew I had to eat for the baby. Along with the nausea came dizziness and feeling weak. I chalk that up to not eating enough but I can recall in my first trimester, two times, I tried to take a shower in the morning and I got so sick I turned as white as a sheet and couldn't move until my heart calmed down. It was scary but again, zero appetite and nausea will do that to you. My doctor suggested I keep crackers by my bedside but seeing as how I'm gluten free and food of any kind wasn't appealing, I didn't listen to the doc. (oops) Not only was I nauseous but there wasn't anything I wanted to eat in the first trimester. I would literally make dinner from scratch, take one bite, hate it, then throw it away and make something else. (the guilt) One thing that really helped me during my first trimester was the ginger candies, I was popping those bad boys like skittles there for a while. Keep in mind the nausea didn't stop until week 13/14.
One of the first things I did when I found out I was expecting was get my acrylic nails off. That was truly my one last toxic habit to break and of course I didn't want that getting to baby Jones. Another thing I had to give up was intermittent fasting, which I had successfully done for 8 months (and lost 25 pounds) right before I found out I was expecting. Which was a little weird because I didn't eat breakfast for 8 months and then I had to start forcing myself or I'd end up on the floor again, sick as a dog and nauseous.
Seeing as how Rialand and I aren't married, I figured we would get all sorts of judgements. And we did. It was hard telling my family about Baby Jones. I knew lectures were coming and for a few weeks I cried a whole heck of a lot. There's nothing like feeling like a disappointment when the only emotion you want to feel is joy. Thankfully, we are in week 18 now, and things have gotten so much better since we broke the big news. I certainly don't fault anyone for their opinions but I am thankful we are past that "let's break the news stage." Things are much easier now that the nausea is gone and I can really focus on planning for Baby Jones! We are so excited. It seems wild that this is really happening, it truly didn't feel real for a while because it was just so shocking. But now that I've had a chance to feel it for several months, it's incredible and I couldn't be more excited to be a mom to this precious baby growing inside me. Two weeks until we find out if we've got a third boy or a baby girl! We can't wait! Don't worry, I'll keep you updated!