There's this song on Christian radio right now that I adore. Every time I hear it, it fills me up in ways I can't explain. Do you ever hear a song and just know that it's exactly what you needed to hear? I get chill bumps. In the song the lyrics it says "you're never alone." Sometimes that's the only thing you need to hear. It's amazing what three little words can do for your mood. Life is tough. We're all struggling in different ways. Some financially, some with body image, some with being over weight, some with divorce, some with anxiety. The list goes on and on. I personally struggle with feeling like I am unable to control anything in my life. I really struggle to keep it together. It may look together on social media or on the outside, but I really try to be as honest and as transparent as possible. There's so much going on all the time. Every day it feels like something new is happening. There was a period of almost a year where I wasn't consistent with eating healthy or working out at much as I knew I should. When you get busy with work, it's hard to take care of yourself, especially in the way you know you should. It's even harder when you feel like you're alone in it all. I'm not sure what's going on with me and my body image issues but they have truly been at an all time high the past couple of weeks. I was talking to my childhood best friend, Caroline, on the phone the other day and she made something really clear to me. I was always the skinniest kid growing up. I mean....stick thin skinny. Caroline has two older brothers and I'll never forget this one time when I challenged her brother Clark to a pizza eating contest. He's super tall and way bigger than me so it was comical that I even challenged him to that. But I swear to you if I didn't win that dang thing. Pretty sure it was an entire medium sized pepperoni pizza. Haha! Caroline always said all that food would catch up to me one day. One of our other friends used to say, "Don't invite Brandy over, she'll eat you out of house and home." I swear we were under 10 years old. I could put some food away! Now that I'm older I'm having a harder time keeping the weight off. I don't know if it's because I went from being so skinny as a kid, to under-eating for years, to diet extremes for fitness reasons, to now trying to just be normal and hating the way I look. ITS SO HARD YALL. This is where that control comes into play. I get so much anxiety when I don't feel like I can do it all by myself. I want to be able to know what happens next, know that I've got money for rent and bills and can take the time to work all the jobs I juggle. I mean really, it's a lot, and I put it all on myself. Working three jobs and running my business on the side has literally become my normal in life. 29, what a dang age. Never thought I'd be here. I went on a walk around my neighborhood last night and spent so much of the time just talking it all out to God. I so badly want to be a light to others, spread the gospel, be a disciple, have enough money, be a good friend, be a good girlfriend, be a good nanny and employee, I just put so much on myself. Then I feel guilty when I can't do it all. Who in the world does that? I can't be alone here. But a lot of the times I do feel alone. It's really not up to us to do it all. We have to surrender. I struggle with this, too. Just add it to the list, right? We have to remember that we are never ever alone in how we feel. Not only do we have friends and family, we have Jesus. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." You guys...how incredible is this?! We have been saved. We don't have to have it all or do it all in life. We just have to live. We get so caught up in worrying about every move we make that we forget God has already seen our future. He already has it all figured out. If we just surrender and let God take control, imagine how much our lives could change? Let's live in the moment and learn to give up control. Who's with me?
Check out the newest T-shirt! Worthy x3. It comes in three colors and it's so so soft! I wear a medium! See all the colors here.