"Imagine if we obsessed about the things we loved about ourselves"
Let me start this out by saying that I used to be addicted to fitness. And I literally mean addicted. I spent over 2 hours in the gym every single day. Not only is this unhealthy, it's just unnecessary. If I've learned anything (to do with fitness/health) in the last five years, it's that balance is a beautiful thing. Something is always better than nothing. Life can get extremely busy, and for those of us who care about how our bodies look, it only makes things harder the busier you are. It's no secret that my sister and I used to have eating disorders. Luckily we both have soared past those at this point, but that doesn't mean that we remain unaffected by it. I personally have traded in that eating disorder for body dysmorphia. For years I was mentally in denial of this, mainly because I wasn't sure it was an actual disorder. Go figure one turned into another. If you're unsure of what body dysmorphia is here the definition according to google: the obsessive idea that some aspect of one's own body part or appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix their dysmorphic part on their person. I'm sure many of you are unaware that this is even a problem that people face, but it's real and I can promise you it's hard. When I describe how this feels to someone who doesn't quite understand, it can feel a little lonely. But then I scroll on social media and I realize that I'm not alone. Imagine getting ready in the morning and trying on 10 different outfits, but instead of it being because you don't think it looks good, it's because you wish you could change your body. I don't think I've felt confident in my body in the last 15 years, and I'm being completely honest when I say that. It's hard to pick yourself apart every single day, only to realize that you might not ever be okay with what you see. For those of you getting concerned while reading this, don't be. I've come a long long way over the years. I used to think that one meal would make me fat, that if I didn't work out every day I'd get fat, just ridiculous things. I've worn baggy clothes for the past 10 years to try and hide my body, and for what? Slowly I am getting better about doing things and taking small, daily steps for a happier healthier life. But I still struggle, and quite often I might add. Every day is a journey and one I am thankful for. There are so many people out there who have much worse situations than I do. I try not to compare my journey to anyone else's because you just never know what someone else has been through. And I know there are people out there that are bigger than me and think my feelings aren't valid because I'm a size 4. The truth is, we all walk differently. We all have different lives. But our main objective is to spread faith. Faith that keeps us going, faith that makes us stronger, faith that helps us encourage another person. Yesterday, I released my first recorded video about my body image journey. It's not that I am suffering, it's that I want to share my story with others because I know there are people out there just like me. People who hate the skin they are in. People who wish they were a different size. People who starve themselves, just to be smaller. We only get one shot at this life, and if I've learned anything, it's that we have the chance to change. Opportunities will continue to present themselves to us. We just have to remember that God is behind those opportunities and chances, holding our hand, offering His unconditional love and support. Now I am focused on walking outside almost every day, and allowing that to be enough. I no longer force myself to go to the gym, I've learned to listen to my body and what it wants. Maybe that means one day a week I allow myself a full day of relaxation. Balance is of the hardest things to accept. But you have to know that overdoing it will only bring you anxiety and make matters worse. Learn to be okay with a little exercise. As long as you're trying, and you're respecting your body, then it's okay. Let's work together and try loving our bodies, shall we?
This body is worth of love, and so is yours.
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